just my (horrible) luck

for some reason i have the worst luck in the relationship department...i think i find someone worth everything and just as i get to know them enough, they leave me with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest...it's never the opposite, always me that gets hurt the most in the fall...i wish i knew what could do to not screw up as much...

the last one was not a deja-vu but had some better parts in it...i wish i could turn the clock back and avoid it but even if that it would be a mess later on down the road...i guess it was my luck with time and how things always screw that up...now it's all bothering me...i always wonder how she is doing, which is probably better than i am, because i can be very thoughtful about things like that...

she was everything to me and now that she is gone and done with me, i have nothing to motivate me to do anything...i just feel like every moment spent and every word said was wasted...and i felt like it wasn't real love given to me, but a huge lie...i gave my love from the heart and there was nothing but a sugar coated substitute for the return....just another reason to hate the human species i guess...

from all this i shall attempt to move on and see if i can find it again in another being...